Friday, 11 April 2008

My heart is hurting



Today has been one of the hardest days I have been through. Charlie (my baby) is on a plane back to the states to live with his dad...I say baby..he is almost 20 but he's my baby, this photo was taken minutes before he walked through security at the airport, wow what a rush of feelings that was...but I held back the tears...then my mobile phone rang "mum...I am bored and there's no place to sit and they haven't posted the gate yet....we chatted a bit and then we hung up..both knowing we would speak in a short time again...ok....a few more times....the last call was "Hi again.....I am on the plane....oh, I said...(felt like I had hit a brick wall) I said "will you call again before you take off??????? ......he said....no probably not...omg...this is really it....my baby is about to fly.....slam....the tears wouldn't stop!! Charlie, I and his step dad have had a rough couple of years....and I have shed buckets of tears...but after being a mum with kids in the house for 30 years..and knowing they are ALL grown and flew the nest...DAMNNN its hard to accept this....its gonna feel so strange not being the one he depends on anymore...not being the one he gets an attitude with, but then I am looking forward to having an adult relationship with him as I have with the rest of my son's and I hope once again I am forgiven any mistakes in parenting I have made...I guess time will tell. I did my best..thats all I could do...and the love I have for my sons is endless and very precious! My son's are a great bunch of guys! ok....I have added a photo of the rest of my son's too...a family photo! Love and light to all who read this. :)

8 comments:

Sarah C said...

What a gorgeous photo of the 3 of you. What a lovely thing to have. The other photo is great too. You will be fine once you've found your new identity ((((HUGS)))) xxx

vicki said...

Oh Tee i have had a good cry we are hear if you need us

Lea said...

A lovely photo Tee. I was sobbing my heart out reading your post. I feel so much for you knowing that if it was my son I would have cried buckets and my heart would probably have exploded.

I'm sure that looking back both he and you will realise it had to happen in order for you to both move forward and ultimately become closer again.

Lea said...

Me again!

Lovely photo of you with your four boys!

All will be well in time Tee xxx

Sian said...

Awwwwww Tee ((((( hugs ))))), I feel for you. This is just the beginning of a new chapter, and just remember, it's only a plane journey, the world is a small place :)

Sarah C said...

'Tis only me. Letting you know I've tagged you, if you fancy it and have time amidst your packing xx

bubblegum said...

Oh Tee - even though your son is 20 he will never stop being your baby - mine is 22. It is heart wrenching when they leave home but down deep we know they must fly the nest. I am sure he will say that you are a wonderful mother and did a great job rearing all your boys. ;):)

debbie x

bagpuss said...

tee what a fab pic
i sought of know what u feeling like-via my mym-my brother finally l;eft home 3 yrs ago-after moving in and out for about 3 yrs-he was 22 at the time.i dont know who found it hardest mum or me-and i dont even live at home
you will just appreciate the time u spend together even more now-when he comes to visit
hugs and loves jo xx